Living Without Children Myths and Facts

Fact: The indication that people who are childless due to infertility have ‘chosen’ not to have children is inaccurate. As a matter of fact, a vast majority of those who have arrived at childlessness due to medical infertility have either considered and/or attempted alternatives, such as adoption, donor insemination, and in vitro fertilization. Additionally, for many couples or singles, recurrent perinatal loss, health disparities, financial reasons, or reaching their physical or emotional limits have led them to remain childless by infertility. Since infertility is a medical condition, it doesn’t always end with a child. Therefore, just as one does not choose to be infertile, making the decision to stop the pursuit of parenthood is a valid option, a life-saving option, and/or the only possible option left.

Fact: The fact of the matter is that, for one, not all of those facing childlessness are grieving. Many eventually move toward a path of acceptance. The experience of grief, however, can be difficult to overcome. It’s imperative to move beyond that grief through support and awareness by finding the resources to help guide you in healing from the heartbreak of childlessness. Doing so can help lead you to closure and fully realize your life beyond childlessness.

Fact: Living childfree after infertility doesn’t mean that you cannot still live a fulfilling life. Just because the plans you envisioned for your life could not happen doesn’t take away from the wholeness, meaning, purpose, and depth of your life.

It is true that you may continue to have a difficult time emotionally due to triggers, especially during emotionally-charged events, like Mother’s Day or on the anniversaries or birthdays of your losses. However, you will learn how to manage those emotions, and the key is figuring out what your emotional triggers are and what you can do to manage them. While the pain will likely still be there, you will become more resilient and eventually learn how to cope with that pain in a more manageable way.

Fact: For your physical health and emotional wellbeing, you have the right to end your infertility journey. Remaining childfree does not take away the meaning of those years of trying, as a matter of fact it makes you more aware of your resilience and inner strength. Whether you’ve pursued parenthood with a partner or as a single person, you are not a failure but a survivor that did everything in your power during this life-changing experience.